December 28, 2009
It is insane to think that God uses not just ordinary people but also weak hopeless failures (then again i suppose His options are limited. God's Word commands us to surrender everything to Him. Well what does that actually mean (my order may not be perfect if you expect perfection I will direct you to another blog)? First we have to come to grips with the reality that we are sinners, hopelessly lost without God and need Him. Then God starts to mold us into who we need to be, as we become more filled with the Spirit our desires start to shift. Slowly, but surely we break old, bad habits and new ones start to take root. But some habits are difficult to break, some seem to have a tight grip on us. We are in bondage to them and even through we know full well we can't make it without God and maybe this sin we are in bondage to is wrong we still serve it because it is comfortable and it seems to be safe. Maybe you have broken out of those or maybe your still struggling, we are all at a different place in our walk with God. What I have been struggling with over the past several months and am still struggling with is bitterness and anger which when left alone leads to depression, and from depression I spend less time with God. Depression or feeling down is hardly a sin, but when it takes the place of God it definitely gets to that. The last little bit of surrender needs to be talked about a little. It is the surrender of the will. If you are even the least like me a strong-willed control freak, the thought of surrendering control is difficult terribly frightening. In the past I have found myself bargaining with God, trying to keep some control while surrendering it. Then just when I think I have God under my thumb I fail to keep my side of the bargain and the crazy thing is that God still loves me. Surrendering control will likely be a life long battle for me but hey I've got God on my side.
January 9th, 2010 (that is weird to type)
Satan has been tormenting me for the last several weeks with different thoughts. Most of them lay with what I feel God is calling me to do over the next few months at my youth group and also school. Most of them deal with failing the task even with God or tempting me to crawl deep back down into depression where its safe and comfortable. But being comfortable won't do a single thing for me, or anyone. I know what I am to do so why stop for fears. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." We as Christians are running and race and we should expect that Satan will do all in his power to trip us up.
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