Ok

James 1:19 - 20 (NIV) "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring the righteous life that God desires."

Ok so after memorizing James 1 random parts have come back to me and well some was encouraging, and some, like this passage, was simply convicting. Last Sunday at youth I showed up angry, angry with them and let's just say it was not exactly what God wanted. When God called me back to that church I was kind of sad because I really loved my old church. Anyways going to a youth group to change things for the better is seriously impared when one (such as myself) goes in and blows up. Oh, I kept on my good little church girl face, I have learned that one at least, but it was at least to upset the small group leader. So I screwed up and now I have to make amends and it will not be fun.

Two for the price of one

Im just going to post two in one because I'm a little behind here.

December 28, 2009

It is insane to think that God uses not just ordinary people but also weak hopeless failures (then again i suppose His options are limited. God's Word commands us to surrender everything to Him. Well what does that actually mean (my order may not be perfect if you expect perfection I will direct you to another blog)? First we have to come to grips with the reality that we are sinners, hopelessly lost without God and need Him. Then God starts to mold us into who we need to be, as we become more filled with the Spirit our desires start to shift. Slowly, but surely we break old, bad habits and new ones start to take root. But some habits are difficult to break, some seem to have a tight grip on us. We are in bondage to them and even through we know full well we can't make it without God and maybe this sin we are in bondage to is wrong we still serve it because it is comfortable and it seems to be safe. Maybe you have broken out of those or maybe your still struggling, we are all at a different place in our walk with God. What I have been struggling with over the past several months and am still struggling with is bitterness and anger which when left alone leads to depression, and from depression I spend less time with God. Depression or feeling down is hardly a sin, but when it takes the place of God it definitely gets to that. The last little bit of surrender needs to be talked about a little. It is the surrender of the will. If you are even the least like me a strong-willed control freak, the thought of surrendering control is difficult terribly frightening. In the past I have found myself bargaining with God, trying to keep some control while surrendering it. Then just when I think I have God under my thumb I fail to keep my side of the bargain and the crazy thing is that God still loves me. Surrendering control will likely be a life long battle for me but hey I've got God on my side.

January 9th, 2010 (that is weird to type)

Satan has been tormenting me for the last several weeks with different thoughts. Most of them lay with what I feel God is calling me to do over the next few months at my youth group and also school. Most of them deal with failing the task even with God or tempting me to crawl deep back down into depression where its safe and comfortable. But being comfortable won't do a single thing for me, or anyone. I know what I am to do so why stop for fears. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." We as Christians are running and race and we should expect that Satan will do all in his power to trip us up.

The right way?

There is a class where it is insanely easy to cheat on homework. Well it comes back to bite you come test day. In the past I regrettably made study sheets which helped me then I would iChat them on to others. This is truly messed up I have been complaining about the number of kids who cheat on their homework and make reasonably good grades in the class. The only problem with all of this is that I have been helping them out in the process of their cheating. Tonight I have undoubtably made some enemies.

On the study sheet I put the following:

I will let you in on my secret to beasting worldview tests

• Do homework honestly (better late than never)
• Actually read the section and highlight.
• Look over the video notes we watched
• Good luck J

Now I am aware that if I was horribly preoccupied with being in everyone's good graces this was an incredibly stupid move. The problem is that I could not live with myself if I continued to "help" them in this way. I need to apologize to everyone that I "helped" for teaching them that it is ok to be lazy. Oh well lessons are never easy and I have a feeling that there will be a lot of failures tomorrow on the test.

Failure

I failed. I will admit it. A temptation that I thought had gone away came back and this time I am sad to say satan won. However despite my failure I have victory in Jesus because he paid the penalty. I believe he saved me and their ain't a thing you can do about it.