Este es mi problema

I went to a Spanish speaking church tonight for service and it was fantastic, absolutely love worshipping there because in worshipping in a different language two things often take place. First, I break down the structure of the sentences and make sure I understand completely what I am singing (same happens in sign), and second worship moves far beyond just a sing along because I am actively deciphering the song and my own response to God. We broke into small groups and of course I went with the women because I want to be stretched. So as the lady is teaching I am understanding the majority of what she says, but I have an issue. The issue is that I will not remember things if I do not take notes and when I take notes I cannot focus on what she is saying, translate, and write all at the same time so I often miss things. I decided the happy medium was to go and take notes because understanding all of it does no good if I flush it.

Tonight we talked about attitudes. Somehow we accidently said that an attitude with God is contaminated, but we all discussed our responsibility. If we live in the moment our attitudes will look like a seismogram after a large earthquake. There was a fair amount more and I do remember, it is in my half spanish, half english notes. Not spanglish, but legitimately half and half. So in the mean time as I work on my ability to understand Spanish I will have holes here and there from the bits and pieces I missed.

First Sunday Home

Its great to be home it really is. First Sunday back and I was interpreting for the service, definitely awesome because I find that I remember more of the sermon that way and it is just so much fun. Difficult? Yes, especially when the pastor gets excited and starts talking fast. The excitement is that either next week or the following I will officially be a member, something for which I am incredibly excited.

First week home has been somewhere between exciting and uneventful, but not mundane. Started school this past Wednesday, witnessed God's strange sense of humor. Much has transpired this past week, but alas World Civ beckons rather commands so I will write again later.

I gotta ask

I have to ask y'all, has anyone seen the Spirit of God moving recently? I am angry right now because the Spirit does not seem to be moving anymore. At least not where I am. I am angry that at church, the one place where we should be open, is one of many places where we build walls high and have superficial relationships. A few weeks ago while at youth we broke down into small prayer groups, it broke my heart when every kid prayed for their family/parents, but no one was willing to say for what reason. I have seen their families they are spectacular actors. I understand to an extent why no one wants to open up, gossip in this town travels faster (and is more damaging) then a wildfire on a dry, windy day in this town. I did a head count and we are missing the One who makes it count.

What are we doing?

Ever noticed that when you are at church a lot of people just stand up, kind of roll their eyes, sing and try to clap in time, but that is it? Have you ever asked yourself if you believe what you are singing, or has church become the sing a long that will not end? Last week I found myself asking if I believed what I sang, I cannot tell you how many times I have sung about how our God is mighty to save with absolutely no emotion. If we believe that we have been saved by the grace of God then why is it that we stand around occasionally raise our arms, while we secretly think it is nothing and that we really have not changed? We know that if someone rubs us the wrong way, chances are that the spirit of God doesn't flow out, we wish the wrath would just hurry up and consume them. Have you ever considered that those obnoxious people who cut you off, maybe flip you off, or are just plain obnoxious are the very people we are to love? Love your neighbor, Jesus said, but I can tell you that the words that came out of my mouth earlier today when that jerk cut me off were not exactly full of the spirit. Maybe that God that you "gave your life" to is still waiting for you to surrender your life. When was the last time you felt truly alive?

Perhaps I did hear right

When God told me to go back to my old church I cleared out my ears and tried again, the message was the same. *sigh* ok, God, whatever you say (may have said that with a little sarcasm). This morning as I was driving to church I asked God to show me in some way if that church is where he wants me, then He is gonna need to do something, anything to make that clear. Well He made it clear, and it could be because I was about ready to give up on them. However, as I am beginning to see, God's time is not our time and I should not assume that what I think should come at a certain time will not.
Well as it turns out I am leading small group for the next two weeks, that may not seem like much, but it is the group with all the upperclassmen, and I have two goals I am praying God will work out. First, that the Holy Spirit speaks through me and convicts, and Second they will leave wanting to give their world a little more Jesus. Regardless I think that if the youth drastically changes from being focused on itself to focused on God that the rest of the church will see that and go. Anywho, Aaron, you may have been right, but we shall see.

Ok

James 1:19 - 20 (NIV) "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring the righteous life that God desires."

Ok so after memorizing James 1 random parts have come back to me and well some was encouraging, and some, like this passage, was simply convicting. Last Sunday at youth I showed up angry, angry with them and let's just say it was not exactly what God wanted. When God called me back to that church I was kind of sad because I really loved my old church. Anyways going to a youth group to change things for the better is seriously impared when one (such as myself) goes in and blows up. Oh, I kept on my good little church girl face, I have learned that one at least, but it was at least to upset the small group leader. So I screwed up and now I have to make amends and it will not be fun.

True service flows from love

I have really been struggling on the whole issue of my church. The thing is that I have not loved my church and since I was not really loving my brothers and sisters I was really not loving God and therefore I was attending church more as an obligation. Well as a result I have become more cynical about my church and acting more like a little kid by whining about how horrible it is there. I think until I learn to love my church as God does I will not be able to do anything in it.

Ok I think I am starting to get it

Back in September God called me back to my parents church (I have to start calling it MY church) and I had no idea why. Well thanks to a few people God chose to speak through I think I might understand now. I went with my old church to the rescue mission to serve for a little more than an hour. It was an awesome reminder of what serving God is like (since it has been more than two years since the last time I went). However as I was fighting traffic to get to choir relatively close to on time I started thinking why doesn't my church have as many opportunities to serve as this church. Ok first of all incredibly stupid thing to think because isn't that like judging my church. If a person cannot another person then surely a person cannot judge a church. I asked one of my friends (also in my prayer group there) what her take on it was. She reminded me that our church is still recovering after losing our senior pastor and they are in the process of rebuilding. Well that is true, but I thought about it a little more and realized that long before we started having all these issues with pastors and such when our church was large and had a strong foundation there was still little in the means of outreach, it seemed (and seems) like the church has been focusing a lot on making itself bigger and better. Now don't take any of this wrong and think that I hate my church because I assure you I do not. However after thinking it through and listening, it started to click.... I have a heart for missions and outreach (even if I forget it from time to time) and I am not satisfied with my church or rather their opinion of it. What is the best way to change something? The answer is simple, get involved. That is exactly what I intend to do. After choir is finished at the end of December I will take the membership class and officially become a member of that church. Then I will find some way of getting involved in the outreach department or the missions department, whichever.