Feeling Fickle

I had this teacher along the way who would say one phrase repetitively, "Feelings are fickle". Said teacher was only trying to teach us that we cannot rely on our feelings because they will awesome lead us astray. This is true. I have noted that if everything I did was based on feelings I would make a total mess of my life. We live in the a "live for the moment" culture and often it sounds so good. Who doesn't like hearing things like that, especially when it comes to the feelings of being in love or feeling excited. Had I chased after every boy I "fell in love with" I would have lost a lot more than a friend or two in tenth grade. Not that feelings themselves are evil, just misleading. How you respond to your feelings is where we often run into problems, but I am straying just a little from the original intention. I was talking to a friend of mine recently about how her relationship with God was doing. She said that she was tired of going to church, singing songs, and reading the Bible because she didn't feel what she used to anymore. She still believed in God, but she didn't feel anything. Well, I started thinking about it this week quite a bit. You see there are some very high points in my life and also some very low points and last week on Tuesday was one of those low points. However, I see God's faithfulness in the midst of my trials because even though I was hurting I very much felt His presence. Ultimately it boiled down to His asking if I trusted Him, but before I digress again let me get to the point. It is very easy to "feel" God's presence in the hard times because He is compassionate and walks with you. It is also very easy to "feel" God in the super high points. However what about right after those times, when you come out of the valley on to the plain or come down off of the mountain. Suddenly, "feeling" God's presence is a lot more of a challenge. This is either a very good thing or a very bad thing. It is bad because we are tempted to give up, we don't "feel" like reading God's word, so we don't. It may be a very good thing as it gives more opportunity for growth or maturity. So this is the challenge I give to you (and myself). When you come out of some spiritual/emotional high or low and suddenly you are in this place where you cannot "feel" God like you used to, will you continue to pursue God? Will you work on your relationship even though the passion has diminished some?

God's humor and a blog title

Every now and again I have to say God has a sense of humor. Let me rephrase, I have nineteen years, one month, one week, and six days of proof that God has a sense of humor. I suppose I am saying I think my life is a comedy sometimes, I have to ask does anyone else find it that way. Let me tell you what happened. See yesterday was the first day of my Daniel fast (going vegan for 40 days) and there is lots to pray for right now. One of the things is a situation in my life that frankly is hurting me a bit (if you have no idea what I'm talking about don't worry about it). I had been praying for healing and such and God's answer was to not bottle it up, not keep it to myself, and, when my religion professors asked for prayer requests in class, say it not vaguely, but in its entirety. A frightening concept that I neither entertained nor fancied. This morning I woke up and started praying ironically for us not to do prayer requests in my New Testament class today. Surprisingly we did not, but then again God has a sense of humor and I should not have thought that I would escape quite so easily. I had several questions to ask the professor after class regarding the computer, writing assignments, and the exams, which made me have to follow him to his office after class, should have seen what was coming. After my questions were answered he inquired about a few things and then proceeded flat out ask the very thing I was hoping and praying I would not have to say. It was all I could do to not say, "Seriously, God?" Instead for once in my life I kept my mouth shut and conceded. So all this is to say that God is merciful, but also has a rather interesting sense of humor.

Now as far as a blog title is concerned some of your are aware that I only have ten and a half months left of being a teen and am therefore on the market for a new blog title. One option is something to do with formerly knitting and crocheting like a chain smoker... I would love some feedback and I want to know what you think a good title would be. Let me know

Tanning beds, airplanes, and the good God

Today is the day to depart to Canada, and not exactly a good start. To say the least I am not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. I managed to completely misread the reservation and figured out that my plane left at 11:15am today at about 11:08am at my house... whoops. Called the airline and pleaded for mercy while silently pleading with God to somehow make something out of this predicament I managed to create. After about a year and a half on hold (okay 15 minutes) I got a hold of an agent who managed to get me on a later flight getting in a couple hours later. Also by the grace of God it was inexpensive and painless. I now wait in the airport for my new flight and all I can say is praise God it worked out.

Missions

I do not know how many times I have posted about missions. If you have not guessed it is something about which I am passionate. Up until about 45 minutes ago I believe that after I graduated from Wayland I would spend the rest of my life in missions in Nicaragua... Oh no, see tonight as I was sketching the life cycle of bread mold I was only about halfway focused (I know) because I was thinking and praying about Nicaragua and missions. Then out of nowhere I felt God saying, "I have a much bigger plan for your life then what you have planned." Well ok initial reaction (please no judgements) can we please save the epiphanies for after I am done with biology, a little irreverent? yes. Minorly sarcastic? have you met me? Of course I thought about what had just happened and started to realize, yes I will be going to Nicaragua, yes I will be ministering to the deaf, but that is not the rest of my life, that is just the beginning before going to the "ends of the earth" Not entirely sure where else God has planned, but I know that His plan is a lot more elaborate and a lot more extensive then just one place.

The random thought for tonight.

It did not occur to me when I created this blog about a year and a half ago, that as of July 2012 the name nonconforming teen would be inaccurate, though I suppose if the world ends the following December, besides spending my entire life in school, it will not matter too much. Alas I am now on the market for a new blog site name. Any suggestions?

Ok so on to other things that have depth and meaning, at least too me. I will spend a few minutes now talking to ya'll (yes i know) about forgiveness. It seems to me, as I watch other people have similar experiences with it, that forgiveness is key not only in getting you out from under the control of hatred, bitterness, etc..., but it seems to really help in having victory in other areas of your life be it depression, anger, or addiction. It is incredible, I have seen people go from generally gloomy to happy all the time, but not a feigned happiness, real honest to goodness joy. So just a thought, if you are having trouble forgiving anyone and seem to be stuck in a rut in other areas, perhaps it is time to surrender it to God and live in real freedom.

Missions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTVpyUOR_fI

You know I am really getting more and more frustrated here. I live in the Bible belt, roughly 30 congregations that claim Jesus as Lord in my town of 3000. I am not only frustrated that the body of Christ is dismembered into 30ish segments in this town alone, but I am also frustrated that the Great Commission "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." which was the last thing Jesus said to his disciples does not seem to be carried out anymore. I see churches whose focuses seem to be on reaching those inside the church or else those with the city. There are occasions when they support a single people group that is considered unreached, but why do we only focus on one group of people. If there are 3o congregations in my town, it is probably safe to assume the number reaches somewhere close to 100 in a larger town 30 miles from here. What if every single church in America that had a congregation of lets say 150 or more chose to train and sponsor missionaries to unreached people groups? What if people instead of focusing on making the church bigger, better, or prettier, started moving, started denying themselves and went into the world and reached those people?

I gotta ask

I have to ask y'all, has anyone seen the Spirit of God moving recently? I am angry right now because the Spirit does not seem to be moving anymore. At least not where I am. I am angry that at church, the one place where we should be open, is one of many places where we build walls high and have superficial relationships. A few weeks ago while at youth we broke down into small prayer groups, it broke my heart when every kid prayed for their family/parents, but no one was willing to say for what reason. I have seen their families they are spectacular actors. I understand to an extent why no one wants to open up, gossip in this town travels faster (and is more damaging) then a wildfire on a dry, windy day in this town. I did a head count and we are missing the One who makes it count.

One Month Later

Well it has been a month since i last updated, but not a whole lot has happened. I backed out of the China trip because God is leading me to go speak at camp this summer, that should be fun. I am looking more and more into a missions organization for when I finish up college here. I got a job, working as a waitress (oh the irony) however I am only on day two of that. Not really a whole lot else.

Operation Love Bug!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!! A portion of my circle of friends this year for Valentine's day decided instead of whining about being single they were going to do something awesome and fun, they called it operation love bug. Basically what they did is they each bought a few Valentines (or made them) and signed them anonymously and took them to a nursing home. They instructed the nurses to give them to people who received few if any visitors. Basically their goal was to share some love with people who otherwise do not receive it. I am reminded of James 1 where he tells us to visit orphans and widows. Think and pray about this, what if Christians all over did this during various holidays this year and in years to come, what if we all did this and impacted people's lives. These are my thoughts, what are yours?

A Starry Night

Tonight I needed some time to think and pray to get my head cleared up some, so I went for a walk. I didn't feel particularly adventurous or active so I just walked to the end of one of the nearby streets where it hits a field, because there were few lights and lots of stars. I don't know if you have ever been in a place where you could see a lot of stars, but it is breathtaking, and well sort of humbling. One of the great things about being able to see so many stars is that the problems that seemed so insurmountable seem so much smaller especially if you have a relationship with the Father who created them all. While it donned on me, this was a decent, blogworthy illustration of our lives as Christians. When you are in the middle of a city (like most if not all my readers are) it is really hard to see God's handiwork, and sometimes it disappears completely in the midst of the world and the busyness it demands of us (I'll get to that later). There was still a great deal of "light" from the town so I decided to cup my eyes to see more, it worked and another realization hit me, focusing on God makes the world seem well rather stupid and allowed me to see so much more of God's handiwork and skill.

If you feel like you are getting busier and busier and barely have time for anything think about this. If you have accepted Christ, Satan is not going to just stop attacking, possibly the best alternative is getting you to waste your time so that you do not convince anyone else to be persuaded. And of course those who do not know Him will make their lives busier and busier to distract themselves from the emptiness inside and find something to fill their lives, all in vain of course. Try spending 5 minutes doing nothing, just praying, do not walk or move or anything, just sit or stand still and meditate on the God of heaven. Psalm 46:10 tells us to be still and know that He is God.

China

This year I have an incredible opportunity to go on a study tour trip for two weeks in China, I am requesting that you pray for me and the rest of the people going. What is even harder to believe is that it has been almost a whole year since I went to Vancouver. I had to pick up the crochet hook again i am going to make a whole lot of crosses to raise money for the trip I finished my tenth cross tonight. If yall could pray for me on this that would be great.

What if?

What if we started believing and living like we say we do? Think about the fact that John 14:12 tells us that Jesus said that we will do even greater things than he did, but also in Matthew 5:16 He tells us to "let our lights shine so that people may see our good works and praise our Father in Heaven." Or think about the early church who were so filled with the Holy Spirit that it just sort of overflowed think about Pentecost, 3000 souls that came to believe, it was not because Peter was such an inspirational speaker, or because Matthew had donated his embezzled money to a worthy charity or anything else that they did something because of their strength or because they read so many self help books. People were reached because the Holy Spirit was allowed to move. When was the time you saw the real power of God?

Our God is a healer

About half of you know what I used to do. I used to cut, the last time was October 2009 and the scars i inflicted on myself were supposed to stay with me for a long time. I am here to tell you that we serve a God who heals. I have no scars anymore. NONE!!!!!!!!!!!! Just saying that God can and will heal you if you let Him.

The Id Strikes Again

We just finished studying nSigmund Freud's theory of the Id, ego, and superego. While a lot of what Freud says is well out there at best I wonder if maybe he was onto something.

It seems as though the recurring theme in my life this year is be careful what you pray for, because it seems I pray something then approximately 20 minutes later I am trying desperately to take it back.

I am not sure how much you know about the id, ego, and superego, but supposedly here is how it works. Your id works totally for gratifying whatever impulse happens to come. Your ego supposedly keeps that in check. On the off chance your ego lets its guard down the id may escape and you may accidentally say something totally inappropriate (or a Freudian Slip). The superego is you conscience.

Like most things in Christianity this is totally backwards of the world. If we have accepted the free gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ we know that the Holy Spirit lives within us. That is your spiritual id, your ego is where your social standing comes in and will "quench the spirit" if the ego is your selfish thoughts that keep you from doing some things, and your superego checks with the social norms to see if something is alright. I hypothesize that on those rare occasions when your spiritual ego and superego take a break, the Holy Spirit comes in and you find yourself praying the things that everyone told you not to pray (did that accidentally tonight, although I am unable to recall which taboo prayer I prayed). Ultimately I think we would live to our fullest potential if we just let the ego (self) die and allowed the Spirit to guide and change our lives.

Love-hate relationship

I have discovered that I have a love-hate relationship with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes the Spirit is awesome, and then there are times when I wish that the Spirit would just leave me alone, ha ha. Like tonight, I am reading and there is a cross reference to Psalm 42:1, which says, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." At first I simply thought that it was a pretty verse, but before long that still, small and painfully annoying voice said, "Do you really pant for God like that." Because the picture painted here is not of a deer gracefully drinking from water, but of a parched animal in the desert longing for water. Picture walking through the Las Vegas desert on a blistering July day where the temperatures are well over 110, you are not kind of thirsty, you are dying. To be honest I really do not think that I long for God like that. Do you?

Do you remember your first love?

After reading James 4:14, which speaks about our lives being a mist that appears for a little while then vanishing I started thinking about the past few months and the different things that have been happening in my life and in the lives of those around me. Why do we make every provision for a tomorrow that may not come, yet the ultimate end that awaits each and every human we shrug off and pretend it does not exist? Maybe we missed something. We do not have the excitement that we should. We do not act as people that have been radically transformed by God's grace. Just a reminder if in fact you do claim to be a Christian he has given you a life that does not compare to any dollar amount. Maybe we live in an age where we have become not only desensitized to the world, but desensitized also to the richness of God. Perhaps the time has come for us to examine our heart to see if we need to rediscover this God who saves us.

Extraordinary

Extraordinary is a book by John Bevere. I am working through this book with a friend of mine. Tonight we did our first study, here is a brief summary of chapter one.

We see ourselves as ordinary people. We are drawn to living extraordinary lives, but fell that is quite impossible and therefore we have stopped trying. We have somehow missed that we serve an extraordinary God and are made in His image. That goes for everyone, like the smelly person sitting next to you in church or the jerk who cut you off and every person in between. We are called to love each other and so much more with the realization that they too are made in His image.
We have a limited view of God and which has given us a limited view of our enemy which limits our ability to fight against him.
God doesn't call extraordinary people, he makes people extraordinary.
If we set our hearts and minds on God and seek after Him we will not only find Him, but He will also make us extraordinary.
Before God we were all ordinary after meeting Him, He gives us something extra and makes us extraordinary.

A biggerr piece of the picture

I have known for a while that God wants me in missions, last year He gave me the where (Nicaragua), then a couple weeks ago He gave me the who, the deaf. If you don't know I am going to school to become a teacher. So I started researching and I found a couple who works at a deaf school in Nicaragua. I am beginning to correspond with them and in a few years hopefully in a few years I will be down there. check out their site
makingadifferenceinnicaragua.org

Let's do this!

I asked someone a while back ago how people witnessed. The more I read the new testament the more I see that people just lost it, that's how they managed to do so much, they took every opportunity to share their faith. As far as early Christians were concerned they lovingly kicked butt and took names. Why are we so defensive? Why are we (myself included) so focused on protecting ourselves and not focused on going into satan's turf and winning this thing. Victory is ours so lets not sit back and wait for it to float down. Last week I heard something during devotions. God is gonna ask us who we took with us to heaven. If our purpose was just to "get saved" then why are we still here? Don't you think there is a good reason that God has you here still and didn't just take you home the instant you accepted Christ? There are people dying every day who don't know Christ there are people who feel rejected, unloved, unwanted, etc... and they have no idea there is someone who wants them, loves them, and accepts them. Live as an example so that people ask for the reason of the hope that is in you then tell them. Don't look like the world. If it sounds like the world, walks like the world, and looks like the world it is probably the world. Don't be afraid to be weird. Be different because God is different and because when you are different (in a good way) people notice and ask.

Pursuing Christ

The theme of the camp this year is one name one pursuit, so i started thinking about it and what God kinda showed me was intense, yet simple, and a much needed reminder. If we are pursuing God we shouldn't be looking back. Think about it for a second. If you are looking back you are going to keep tripping over things because well you can't see where you are going. If you are a Christian and you are focused entirely on who you were and not who God is making you into, it is going to be difficult to pursue God, it is like chasing something and looking the opposite direction, sheer stupidity. Read Hebrews 12:1